A shameless plug

Hey everyone,

I just wanted to encourage everyone to click on my ads. Just to entice you a little more, here's a shameless plug. Do you have a galactic empire threatening the very livelihood of your rebel band, but you don't know how to notify them of attack? Are Death Stars seemingly hiding behind every moon (that's no moon, it's a space station)? Has the prolonged war with the empire turned your rebel base into more of a senior living community without proper emergency systems? Your lightsaber isn't as hard as it once was (if you can light it up at all)? Well then, try out the emergency systems listed alongside this blog. Promised to save your life in the case of a Death Star attack or a sudden AT-AT Walker attack on various ice planets. There's no need to fear with _____________(fill in blank).

P.S. Not actual promise. There is no known defense against a blast from a Death Star and emergency alert is unlikely to destroy an AT-AT Walker.

P.P.S. There is no proof that these emergency systems will give you an erection unless you're into that kind of thing.